In the late 15th century, in the heart of Yemen, the first use of coffee as we know it was documented. It was used by Sufi monasteries and was to be imbibed as a form of spiritual intoxication. While its status as a symbol of wealth is, thankfully, long gone, the spiritual intoxication part remains. And you know what else, besides coffee, might give a person a certain spiritual intoxication? A pun! And what do you get when you mix these two ethereal things together? A coffee pun! And that’s exactly our topic of the day, so brew yourself a cup of moonless midnight and check out the beverage puns below.
As with anything in life, there are always two kinds of people – those who shower in the morning and those who shower at night. Then there are those who squirt ketchup straight on fries and the other kind who dip them. There, of course, are people that choose tea instead of coffee, but in our opinion, they just don’t know what they’re missing. Also, don’t forget the division between pun-lovers and pun-haters! A fierce competition of proving they’re right between those two! However, with our silly puns article, we hope to unite all these groups in one shared gale of laughter. Just a simple wish, truly.
Yet, if wishes were horses, I’d be drinking coffee now, so let’s just skip right to the cute puns here. The beans have already been spilled, so all you have to do now is check them out for yourself! As per usual, don’t forget to vote for the best coffee puns and share this article with your caffeinated compadres.
Why did the coffee call the police?
Because it was mugged.
What’s a coffee’s favorite spell?
Espresso Patronum!
What’s a coffee’s favorite karaoke song?
Hit Me With your Best Shot!
What do you call a bear that makes coffee?
A bearista.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you’ve been there before?
Déja-brew.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee?
I don’t know, but that’s certainly grounds for divorce!
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee?
Their friendship came to a bitter end.
How is divorce like espresso?
It’s bitter and expensive.
If you ever serve me a cold cup of coffee, I will be boiling mad!
“Every morning I have a dangerous cup of coffee, but I make sure I have safe tea first.”
“Someone stole my coffee cup from the office today, so I’m just on my way down to the police station to look at some mug shots.”
The barista can be really rude sometimes: he doesn’t have a filter.
What did the two coffee enthusiasts say when they got married?
We’re meant to bean together!
What do beans say to their Valentines?
You keep me grounded.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
How does Moses make coffee?
He-brews it.
Bullies who drink coffee are mean beans.
Discussions between two coffee amateurs can very quickly turn into a strong and heated debate.
Just like Ricky Martin, I’m livin’ la vida mocha.
A cup of coffee that gets up on the wrong side of the bed is called a despresso.
The barista is always running late, he is constantly pressed for time.
“I won’t be going back there, the barista roasted me for my poor coffee choice.”
“My coffee tasted like mud this morning, but when I asked the barista why that may be she said it was only ground a few minutes ago.”
“I can’t fully espresso my excitement!”
What’s its favorite Bob Marley song?
Don’t Worry, Be Frappé.
Rage Against the Espresso Machine.
The Red Hot Coffee Peppers.
The Brothers Caramel Mocha.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee?
Decap.
What did the coffees say before their night out?
Let’s stir up some trouble!
Why was the java bean so worried?
Because it said it had a latte problems at home.
You affogato how much you loved me before.
Sometimes, you need to pretend that you are frappé.
You look fa-brew-lous today!
Watch me cream. Watch me nae nae.
What’s the best song of Taylor Swift?
Look What You Mocha Do.
What’s the highest-charting holiday Christmas song in U.S.?
All I Want For Christmas Is Brew.
After the French Revolution, Kings and Queens started only drinking decap coffee.
“I was drinking my coffee in my slippers this morning, and I thought, I really must wash some mugs.”
The first level of the coffee factory is called the ground floor.
“I met my soulmate at my local café, now we are a happy cup-le.”
“I have to get my daily cup of coffee in by whatever beans necessary.”
“I read a book about the origin of lattes and cappuccinos the other day, but it was all froth and no substance.”
It’s hard to espresso my feelings for you.
“Where have you bean all my life?”
“I’ve bean thinking of you a latte.”
What did the coffee say to its date?
“Hey there, hot stuff!”
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Avoid discussing coffee in a sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
How did the coffee show its love?
It said, “Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me!”
What’s the best Beatles’ song to play at a coffee shop?
Latte Be!
What do coffee and Eric Clapton have in common?
Both are no good without cream!
“Excuse me while I kiss the chai.” – This Jimi Hendrix song is often misheard as “excuse me while I kiss this guy” – but what if it was about coffee instead?
“Wake me up before you cocoa!”
He’s Just Not That Into Brew.
Your face shines whenever you frappé.
Brave Brew World by Aldous Huxley.
Why can’t you submit your work on time?
Because you keep procaffeinating.
“I have my eye on you, coffee drinkers, you look ready to stir up trouble.”
“I read that on average we spend more money on coffee than educating our children. How do we sleep at night?”
Sorry I missed your birthday, better latte than never.
Where do birds go for coffee?
The Nestcafe.
How are coffee beans like kids?
They’re always getting grounded.
When should you stop pouring milk into the coffee?
Before it is too latte.
What did one coffee say to the other?
Where ya bean?
We’re the perfect blend.
Where you bean all my life?
Thanks a latte for me being my friend.
The Smashing Pumpkin Spice Lattes.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers?
You mocha me crazy!
What did the coffee say about its late assignment?
Better latte than never!
“I had bean-ough of this pain.”
“I wish it is easy to affogato the pain.”
“I am frappé if I am with you.”
My heart beats faster because of brew.
“I want to cream to the world, how much I love brew.”
Why can’t you have a good lovelife?
Because you don’t know how to espresso.
Don’t give a kangaroo a cup of coffee, it’s already too jumpy!
Hipsters love coffee but they always burn their tongues on them: they insist on drinking it before it is cool.
Thanks a latte for being my friend.
Pardon my French roast.
Sending you a whole latte love.
You mocha me very happy.
“I made a pot of coffee, espresso-ly for you.”
Coffee, the Vampire Slayer.
Hands up! You’re under a-roast.
You’re always brew-tiful.
A Christmas Ca-roast by Charles Dicken.
Alright everyone, kettle down: it’s coffee time!
Al Cappuccino was the greatest criminal of all time.
For Whom The Bean Tolls.
The Count of Macchiato.